The things people say - I've heard loads of amusing things, whether from the TV, friends, family, or from my own gob. Sit back and enjoy...

Wedding Toast

I think the most embarrassing, yet most amusing one I remember came from Paddy.

At Jason and Liz Clark's wedding, he managed to catch his arm on a lit ciggie; so the first toast to Jason and Liz was:
'Aw JEEEZUS!!!!'

On with the quotes...

'They've taken away all the knobbly bits' - (Ethel, TV, Eastenders 1986)

'She's got teeth marks round her cups' - (Phil, Sound Machine, Reading, on Bernie's toothmark-ridden Styrofoam coffee cups)

'Is that vegetables?' - (Steve Auty, Whiteknights Hall food queue)
'Nah, I think that's antidote' - (Me)

'I have this mental picture of Andy being spurted over his mother's t-ts' - (Si Shaw, Whiteknights)

'I like it in Washington Heights (Reading nightclub) now they've redecorated. My feet don't stick to the floor!' - (anon)

'Rust means bust' - (Leon, on his damaged watch)

'One of the boats is just out in front - it's either Oxford or Cambridge' - (TV commentator (Derek Dimblebly??) - Oxford/Cambridge boatrace)

''Cos she had cobwebs up her fanny and I believe in giving to the poor' - (Marianne Faithful, Why D'ya Do it?, from Broken English)

'I like the word c-nt 'cos it rolls off the tongue nicely' - (can't remember - one of us on favourite swearwords)

'I really must stop swearing in front of Faye... [10 seconds later] Oh sh-t! Oops - sorry Faye!' - (Loretta)

'Susan X has better legs than Sandra Y. She has gorgeous legs for a bloke' - (Jennifer) (The names have been changed to protect the innocent here - Susan X is a 'gender-reassigned' woman who is halfway through the operation - for real)

'No disrespect to R.E.M. - I just don't like them!' - (Jay)

'Perfect Sound Forever' - (Philips marketing hype for CD, 1983; we all know CD's are nowhere near perfect sounding, and many discs are decomposing into unplayable mush - PDO, take note!)

Misquoted!

'The Titanic is unsinkable' - (worldwide press misquote; Harland and Wolff, the ship's builders, actually said she was 'PRACTICALLY unsinkable'...

Famous last words

Apparently, 'Oh sh-t!' is the most often used phrase before someone dies... Strange but allegedly true...

There's more - when I remember.....

2000 dB
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