Films have been a big part of my life since I was relatively small. The first one I remember seeing was Mary Poppins when it got re-released in 1980 - I was 5 years old. Well, you can't choose what you see at that age, but that film isn't THAT bad... I just wish they'd produce Julie Andrews' 'The last of the really great wangdoodles' as a film though - that would rule!

I didn't get to see that many films when I was little, as my parents didn't get a VCR until 1988... Mind you, they might have been put off by our neighbours getting bitten by buying into Betamax in 1983... That said, our local video store had loads of Betas until around 1990 so I got to see a good few cheesy films round at theirs!

Anyway, onto bigger and better stuff. These days, I like a diet of sex, violence and drugs in my movies, but I do also like the odd decent film - i.e., one that has a plot. I'm not that picky with movies, as you'll see from the motley crew assembled below.

The only real criteria for a decent film in my book is a plot, or lots of laughs. Acting ability and script writing are not that important, so long as the film keeps me interested...


American Pie is probably one of the funniest films in my collection - I saw it on US DVD first go off, and didn't stop laughing. Absolutely brilliant!

Favourite parts:
'The pale ale'
'Stiffler's mom'
'The book'

Favourite quotes:
"This one time at band camp, I stuck a flute up my pussy"
"MILF... MILF... MILF..."
"Oh, Stiffler's mom! Stiffler's mom!"


An American Werewolf in London was well ahead of its time when it came out. I didn't get to see it until 1996 though, when I bought it for £1 at a second hand shop. Well, all I'll say is that I wasn't disappointed - excellent movie!

I finally saw what all my mates at boarding school were on about when it was shown on telly in 1984... Fat chance my folks would let me see it!

Favourite part:
'The Slaughtered Lamb pub'

Favourite quote:
"Beware the moon"


I saw Apollo 13 on the first day of release at the Plymouth Odeon. I'd been absolutely gagging to see this film, and there was a real sense of occasion due to the fact that there was some real moon rock on display in the foyer!

From the first few minutes, I knew this was a special movie. Although I knew how it would end, it was still full of suspense, and was a pretty good adaptation from 'Lost Moon' - Jim Lovell's book.

Favourite part:
'The launch'

Favourite quotes:
"We are go for launch"
"There it is - the Constellation Urion. Now that's a beautiful sight"
"Houston - we've got a problem"
"All I did was stir the tanks!"
"You're hot miked - we're reading everything you say"
"Tell me this isn't a government operation!"
"Now this is only a warning - it could miss them"...
..."only if their luck changes"


Austin Powers 2 - The Spy Who Shagged Me

Groovy baby - plain and simple. This film is really cool - even with the slightly iffy bits like Elvis Costello being an adult musician in 1969... But I digress. Better than the first one, and more action. And Mini Me is the best! I love the subtle plugs for companies like 'Starbucks' - I didn't know they really existed until I saw one in London!

Favourite part:
'The space station'

Favourite quotes:
"Sorry! I bet that's expensive!"
"This tastes like sh-t!"...
..."It IS sh-t, Austin!"
"Know this - I am your father!"
"You are one groovy baby, baby. Oh, too many babies"
"Which one is it? Spitz or swallows, baby?"


Bad Taste - no introduction necessary!

If you haven't seen this film and love a good laugh, watch it. Acting is so-so, the script is pretty much all ad-libbed, but the thing was filmed on a clockwork camera that could only run for 15 seconds! This makes for a fast-cut, excellent style film.

If you love gore (especially obviously fake gore!), there's no better film, barring Braindead of course...

Favourite parts:
"The Boys"
'The exploding sheep'
The Ford Capri

Favourite quotes:
"The headshot's the only true stoppa"
"I've just cleaned that bit!"
"Exquisite bouquet, Robert"
"There's no glowing fingers on these b-stards"
"I'm a Derek, and Dereks don't run"
"I just wish we didn't have to wear all this crap!"
"Oooh Robert, what a lovely little bottie"

"That was my car!"...
..."Should have bought a Holden, Frank"
"Suck my spinning steel, sh-thead!"
"I'm comin' to get you b-stards... Hee hah hah ah haaah!"


Beavis and Butthead 'Do' America was probably one of the most amusing things I saw in 1997. I am a major league fan of those two dorks, but was sceptical of a feature-length 'moronathon'. I needn't have concerned myself - it was top!

Maximum respect to Bruce and Demi for their contribution as the voices of Muddy and Dallas - Bruce Willis is one of the best because he's not afraid to stick his neck out on films like this!

Favourite parts:
'The Hoover Dam'
The church scene'

Favourite quotes:
"Can I watch TV?"...
..."<BANG!> No!"
"We're going to be paid money to score!"
"We'll get a big screen TV - with 2 remotes, and it's gonna rule!"
"Are you the two who've been 'whacking off' in my camper?"


Boogie Nights

This film was a 'grower' - I thought it sucked when I first saw it, although I liked bits of it. Well, me being me, I bought it anyway, and absolutely loved it the second time round. A very darkly amusing film, the soundtrack rules, the plot is excellent, and it's got sex, drugs and 8tracks in it. Oh, and Heather Graham...

Favourite parts:
'One last thing (long way down)'
'New Years party 1980'
'The TK421 modification'

Favourite quotes:
"The name is.... Dirk Diggler"
"The magic that is on those tapes, you don't own that"
"I love the buildup! da da da da d daaaaH!!! Motoring!!!"

"If it looks like sh-t and sounds like sh-t then it must be sh-t"


Braindead is the logical progression from Bad Taste - they are both directed by Peter Jackson.

Braindead has zombies galore, and lots and lots of fake blood. I believe the film still holds the record for the most fake blood used in one film! You'll know why it had the record when you see the lawnmower scene...

I don't find this as funny as Bad Taste, as the pace is a little slower. That said, the acting is way better, there's some very funny and subtle touches - keep your eyes peeled for them, and of course, it's FAR gorier than Bad Taste!

Favourite parts:
'The Zoo'
'The toothbrush/Archers scene'
'The party'

Favourite quotes:
"Lookee-see - permit. PERMIT!"
"You've got - the bite... Zinguya... Zinguya!"...
..."There's some Dettol in the Jeep"
"<all> ZINGUYA!!!!"
"I go with the zoo?"

"What's this then? Diggin' up a couple of stiffs?"...
..."Oi Floyd, I reckon he's one of those guys that roots corpses"...
..."Yeah, or one of them macrophiliacs"...
..."Necrophiliac yer stupid arsehole"
"They must have discharged her early"
"I'm Lionel's, U-<pff pff pff pff>-uncle"
"We've got to get the body to the service!"
"I kick arse for the Lord!"
"THERE! Some of my best friends are paedophiles!"
"There's no room for hysterical women in MY unit!"

"Party's over!"


The mid '80s was the time for cheesy bratpack movies, and The Breakfast Club is definitely the best. The music is great, the story is fantastic, and the characters are well casted. Even better than John Hughes' other 80's masterpieces such as Weird Science.

Favourite part:
'Smoking in the library'

Favourite quotes:
"You load up - you party?"
"Are you a virgin? I bet you a million dollars that you are"
"C'mon Claire - answer the question!"
"Yo wastoid! You're not going to blaze up in here!"
"The cheeks can't hold the smoke - that's what it is!"
"You look better without all that black sh-t on your face"...
..."Hey! I like that black sh-t!"


I saw Detroit Rock City by chance at a mate's house. I wasn't a big fan of Kiss, but I am now! What a top movie! It must have been one hectic rollercoaster ride trying to see gigs back in 1978! Hilarious - simple as that. So good, I bought it on DVD the next day...

Favourite parts:
'The intro'
'The toilet scene'
'The guidos and stellas'

Favourite quotes:
"It's a give and take relationship"...
..."Yeah. She gives the sh-t and you take it!"
"Here. Put these on before they go out of style"
"Holy f-ck - it's Elvis!!!"
"Shaven off, dude!"
"<coughs> That was a very stale mushroom"
"Santa and Satan are the same person <raucous laughter>"
"Can we leave Kiss out of it?"
"She's not going to put out, man. She's a tease, man"
"Your name isn't Trip, is it?"
"This is better than the first time I got to finger a chick"
"I really wished things could'ha worked out for you, my weasely, dimwitted friend. You've got spunk"
"They call me Doctor Love"


Fear Of A Black Hat is the black version of This Is Spinal Tap. Not to be missed if you like spoof rocumentaries - it parodies the rap culture - almost an exact copy of N.W.A. as it happens, as the band in THIS film are called Niggaz With Hats, and consist of Ice Cold, Tone Def and Tasty Taste...

Instead of 'Tap's exploding drummers, N.W.H. have a problem with bullet-ridden managers, who happen to be white, as it wasn't fair on the band members' cousins!

With such classics as 'My Peanuts', 'Guerillas In The Midst' and 'Booty Juice', you can't go wrong!

Favourite parts:
'Tough Neighbourhood USA'
'Come and pet the P.U.S.S.Y.'
'Tasty Taste's woman'

Favourite quotes:
"I was a pharmaceutical distributor"
"My peanuts
Big and large
My peanuts
Just like a barge"
"That's what they do - they always try to take a black man's hat"
"This security guard will shoot you as good as any real cop"
"That's me, and that's the white man I bought the car off"...
..."Well, the only crime I can do you for now is taking a really sh-tty picture"
"So, were you down with the (LA) riots?"...
..."Nah, that brother on TV just looked like me"


Spooky psychological films seem to have come back recently, and Final Destination mixes this nicely with action and a mild tinge of gore - perfect!

I was blown away by the ideas in this movie - it was as original as Strange Days and 8mm - both excellent films.

Favourite parts:
'The Maltesers and fireball'
'The cafe and bus scene'
'Miss Luton's house'
'Speeding to the level crossing'

Favourite quotes:
"The toilets in Coach are barely ventilated closets"
"The plane's going to explode!... ...I'll remove myself!!!"
"I will not let this be the defining point of my life, and if you think I will, you can drop dead... <SPLAT!>"

©2000 dB
dom.brown(AT)(nospam) - ICQ: 84227134 - 800x600