He he he - my favourite part! Spleen venting time! Victor Meldrew eat your heart out....

Before you read my steam venting, I'm not bitter about anything, it's just some things wind me up - things out of my control. The world doesn't owe me a living; I've had a good life, some very good luck, especially where parents are concerned, and some good breaks. But I still get wound up - I'm only human (and a Gemini).

If you don't like what you read on here, you don't have to read it. Don't flame me over this section PLEASE! Skip over to a less spleen-venting section! Like Salt'n'Pepa said - if you don't like what you hear, lift the needle, change the station or press pause.

 Life in general

Life on the whole for the 90% of people who fit the 'average' is easy in the main. What gets me p-ssed off is the fact that if you don't have a car, wife/partner or house, you're perceived as a worthless lump by society. Sorry, but I'm sick of being reminded that I'm single, disabled and in the most expensive area for housing in the country. I'll get there in my own time, but not before. The automatic assumption by survey designers, shops and banks that we all have a Mondeo, mortgage and a missus is really annoying. I'm not average, and most of the time I'm proud of it. But I don't need reminding that I'm not average thank you very much!

Well - those of you who know me know i'm a devout pessimist, but I have re-evaluated my stance on love, and can now firmly state that I'm a believer. Only one bummer with the scenario - all the women I seem to fall in love with are WAY out of my league, and I chicken it and fool myself I only want them as friends - c'est la vie - one day I'll find a woman into good tunes, good fun, and who is on the same wavelength as me - but hey, it's taking time and that waits for no man, so I'm not gonna brood on this!

Ok - a few more ramblings before I offload on all those who get me annoyed... I'm gonna offload on me before I get all self righteous...

Love stinks...

Why is it that we end up huring the ones we love all the time? In my case first off I always screw up and put my folks through small embarrasments every now and again - and that aint right. However, me being single, I also hurt myself unintentionally all the time too. You see, I'm rubbish at reading situations - particularly female ones. I always put myself down, and god knows how many times I've messed up opportunities because I'm too stupid to see what's really happening.

First big downer is the eternal cycle of meet a nice girl, want to stay mates, so don't make a move. It's gotta change one day but I'm too much of a wuss to suss that one. I just wish I could have told people how I REALLY felt - too paranoid and scared to do that - I mean, there's no way they'd wanna be seen with me right? Wrong - I get told I'm a good mate all the time - hell, someone female who I trust implicitly even said I knew what women wanted - now if that is true, I've gotta get out of this rut!

If someone knows the answer to this dilemna I'd sure like to hear from you. I mean, ignoring the disability thing, I can't be the ONLY bloke who has this - can I?

Blair's Britain (aka loser payoutsville)

Off the love thing, and before I get more specific, what is it with this excuse for a country!? Labour suck! I am so chuffed I didn't vote for Blair in 1997 - I'd have sold myself down the river. Let's give H to loser scum bums on my tab! Oh, you had a baby without a dad - oh that's fine 'cos it's your human right yeah? Oh, asylum seeker - you don't like your nice job and accommodation - fine, we'll give in and put you up in a hotel.

Man - face it - us Brits get butt-pumped and love it. George W is laughing his backside off at us 'cos Blair has no balls. Crime is about as big a priority for Tony Blair as, well, something that's not a priority. Carter USM never had it so right as when they penned the immortal lyric 'This country's going down the tubes/I can't afford to pay my dues' - yeah that's 'cos us poeple who work (and hell, I'm disabled but don't sit on the dole crying about it - no I fund everyone else with a sob story) have to have it worse than the layabout scum with 10 kids and an H habit...

 Car drivers!

The majority make me sick 90% of the time - literally. As if having to endure car fumes, noise, puddle splashes and commute drivers isn't bad enough, they also have to moan about the cost of fuel. Sorry, but the damage you do warrants a price, and at the moment you're getting off lightly! Put up and shut up - we pedestrians have to...

Now I know there are many people who really need a car - large families, rural dwellers, doctors, but PUHLEASE, I have to put up with prats in Beamers rushing their way to work jumping lights, and those fat dorks in their 4x4's which drink fuel like it's going out of style (which, of course, it is!). Straight up selfish - Company Cars should be banned - if a car is needed for work, use your own and get paid for it.

Car sharers, however, get a full 110% RESPECT from me!

 Trains

Now, after offloading on the drivers, it's not all their fault. Trains suck big time. Especially since privatisation; a company in charge of tracks who place profits over safety is like a wolf in charge of a hen house, but putting inept train operators with dangerously out of date rolling stock on the tracks is worse!

I have to put up with delays every day on the Reading to Bracknell portion of the Waterloo line. What happened to the promise of privatisation? Well, you can get 2 companies' trains to Wokingham, but you're stuck with South West Trains after that. I know their rolling stock is clapped out, but continual late running and lack of announcements take their toll, and I'm not a bit surprised Joe Public has gone back to his car. Get out and try public transport, Government! Wake up and smell the **** you're shovelling! I'd like to see John Prescott get off of his fat arse and learn to use the public services and then tell us they're OK!

 Cyclists

Don't get me wrong; most cyclists are fine. It's the selfish dicks who ride on the pavement without lights or reflectors at night that get at me! They crash into you and give you a mouthful for being in their way, when they're breaking the law! Well, they picked the wrong guy with me...

Blinkered Idiots

What law says all disabled people are 'cabbages', 'loafers' or 'spazzos'? Just because some of us may not walk as well, see as well or hear as well as Perfect, it doesn't mean we don't contribute. I work, I pay tax, and I'm fed up of people looking at me in the street and making like I'm a psycho or cretin. I have a degree, I have a good job, and if you have a problem with that, well, as the Sex Pistols said, 'THE PROBLEM IS YOU!'

Light Relief (words to women from disgruntled men)

I didn't write any of this - it came in as an e-mail. But it's so true... (women - get your own back by sending me one of these about men and I'll stick it up here - I'm all for equality)

  • Learn to use the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us moaning about you leaving it down.
  • If we ask what's wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
  • "Yes", "No" and "Hmmmm" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
  • If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
  • Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons blokes fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
  • If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
  • Really, really listen to this one. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as belly button fluff, the offside rule in football or fast cars.
  • Weekend = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
  • Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
  • When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
    Really.
  • You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes. Crying is blackmail.
  • Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work.
  • Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
  • No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.
  • Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
  • Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
  • Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
  • A headache that lasts for 3 years is a problem. See a doctor.
  • Anything we said 3 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    All comments become null and void after 7 days.
  • If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
  • Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
  • You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something but not both.
  • Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials and not during "The Big Match".
  • ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach is a fruit, not a colour.
  • If it itches, it will be scratched.
  • Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Here endeth the lesson.
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